When things don't work out..

     Okay, so the posting every day for a month didn't work out. Honestly, I felt bad about not keeping up with yet another 30/50/100/etc. day challenge, and it kept me from posting again for a while. Well, I can't say it was only that. I've also been traveling and doing some self-work. What kind of self-work?

     Please, if you are triggered in any way by the subject of eating disorders, don't read any further..

     For the past 9 months, I've been struggling with a past eating disorder. I believed that I was fully recovered from this (and I do truly believe that even if you're fully recovered you can still relapse), but I no longer think that was the case. When I first "recovered" almost 2 years ago, I forced myself to only eat the healthiest of foods and still exercise during my recovery process, thinking that I was helping myself not feel guilty. Well, that may have been the case, but recovery and being "healthy"does NOT mean not feeling guilty because you keep yourself from eating and doing everything you're scared of.
     Another problem with my past "recovery" was that I didn't do it for myself. My girlfriend told me that she wouldn't be with someone who didn't love themselves. Out of worry that she wouldn't want to be with me, I attempted to recover from my eating disorder overnight. That just doesn't work. Recovery is such a long process with many bumps along the way.
     Anyway, through my 2nd semester of college and into the summer, I began struggling SO badly with my ED again. And for almost 3 months now, I have been recovering again. Thankfully, at this point I am feeling very strong. I just have to keep it up. I am still so tempted to restrict or purge with exercise sometimes, but I will not give in and if I do, I have to remember to pick myself up and keep trying. - Katelin